Perhaps some of you might wonder what turned me away from Christianity to Paganism. When I was a child I grew up in a rural area and was surrounded by the natural world. My father had also grown up in a rural place and he loved to plant and grow things. We had fruit trees and berry bushes and a vegetable garden. Wild animals could frequently be seen and I can remember watching the deer sparing for mates in the forest below our house. I remember in February going and looking for fallen deer antlers and seeing wild rabbits, foxes, ravens and doves. The woods were my playground.

When I was six years old a friend and neighbor came to the house and told us we should to join her church. Mom had been brought up Catholic and preferred her old faith even though she hadn't been to church in many years. But the neighbor lady insisted and even brought the pastor to our home and had us watch movies about why their church was so much better than the others. My father would make himself scarce during these visits and I often wished I had too. My mother finally relented and we started going to this new church.

Both my mother and I became active in the church and there were some parts I enjoyed like the singing and the summer bible school arts and crafts but there were some parts that I did not agree with. In the children's regular bible study class I often had questions that no one could really answer. I remember being tought about how Eve angered God and destroyed paradise by accepting the apple from the serpent. My teacher told us it was then that all the animals turned on each other for food. She said, "Where once the lion lay down with lamb in peace the lion now would kill and eat the baby lamb." I asked, "What did the lion eat before?" The teacher confidently replied that he ate grass. I asked, "If the lion ate grass then why did he have sharp teeth meant for eating meat?" She replied that his teeth were different before Eve sinned. Then I said, "I thought you told us that all the animals were made as they are now and that they didn't evolve like they tell us in regular school." She was getting cross with me now and said, "That's right, evolution is a lie, the animals were always as God made them, as we see them today." I then replied, "But if the lions teeth changed after Eve sinned isn't that evolution?" She just reiterated that evolution was a lie and that God made all the creatures as they are and that is the truth. Confused I asked, "If evolution isn't real then how come they keep finding all those fossils in the ground?" She finally said, "We who believe in God's word don't believe in evolution, we believe God created the earth and everything in it and that's what He wants us to believe because His word is the truth." She then dismissed the class to go out and play but held me asside and told me that what I learn in public school is not acceptable to talk about in bible school and admonished me not to bring up such subjects again. I was about nine years old then but it seemed wrong to me that I should not be allowed to discuss what I learned in public school in church. After all, weren't we here to learn the answers? I quickly figured out that the correct answers in school were very different as to what was correct in church.

That led me to learn all I could about the world from different points of view. What it all came down to was that what the church had to say about the world was not consistent with what I had observed in nature. I remember thinking that what the church and the bible said all seemed made up to me, like fairy tales in children's books. When I was twelve I asked my father why he never went to church with my Mother and me. He answered that his mother had taken him and his brothers and sisters to church every Sunday but he didn't really seem to think that any of what the preacher or the bible talked about made any sense. He said that, "The only words of worth in the bible were the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule and the rest was just horse hooey." My father had never exressed his opions about religion before that and never did since then either. He and I rarely saw eye to eye on things, especially after I became and adult but this was one of the few things we agreed on. By the time I was fourteen I no longer wanted to go to church and I told my mother. I thought she would scold me and force me to go. She didn't, she told me that her mother had changed religions when she was a young girl and after being brought up Catholic she was forced to leave that faith behind and join the new faith her mother had chosen which was the same religion she and I had been practicing all this time. She said she always had resented her mother doing that and didn't want to force a religious faith on me that I didn't believe in. I was stunned as my mother was usually very strict and demanding. She added that religion is something that you should come to willingly, that it means nothing if you don't believe in it. Soon after I stopped going to church, she stopped also.

It would be years later when I came to believe in Paganism. After leaving the church I just continued to observe nature and form my own beliefs about what I thought God was. I talked to many people of many different faiths and read many books also. But the epiphany came when I wrote a paper for a college English assignment in which I was to pick one of the subjects given and in my own words describe it. I was the only one in class who chose the topic of God. My paper impressed the class and the professor and she told me that what I had to say sounded much like the belief in "animism". I was curious so I checked out books in the library on anything I found. The internet was not really in existence back then so information was scarce. But what I did find lead me to an ancient belief system that touched my heart and soul. It was so much like what I believed already and it prompted me to learn more.

A few years after that I became sick with a persistent and crippling illness. Traditional medicine wasn't helping and I was told that there was nothing that could be done for me. While the illness wouldn't kill me the damage that had been done to my immune system and other systems in my body seemed irreversible and that I would just have to get used to living my life as being handicapped. I refused to accept their diagnosis and searched for alternative healing methods. I found books written on meditational healing and herbal medicine. My search also led me to find more information on Goddess worship and Paganism, with regards to healing through a return to nature and the gifts She had given us in herbs and roots with medicinal properties. It took me three years of meditational healing and herbal medicine but at last the illness that I was told was incurable finally left me. I was no longer disabled and could return to an active life. Soon after my recovery I celebrated with a long walk in the woods, something I had not done in many years. That next morning, early, when it was still dark I awoke and felt a feeling wash over me warm and gentle and comforting as a mother's touch and indeed there seemed to be a feminine presence there with me. In my mind I saw a vision of a special gift of herbs and flowers lain on my pillow and though the room was dark these things seemed to glow with a blue light. I knew I was not dreaming and I knew that in reality these things were not really there yet this sending was as clear as if it were real. The feeling that came to me then was one of welcome and peace and joy.

When I needed Her She was there to show me the answer which not only cured me of my illness but brought a peace and understanding to my soul that Christianity had never brought me. Afterwards I dedicated three more years of my life to study and worship of the Goddess living as close to a monastic life as I could, only going to school and work. That time gave me a very solid spiritual foundation that has been unshakable. Ever since then the Goddess has been there to guide me whenever there came difficulty or uncertainty in my life. It was only when I didn't follow her guidance that I would get into trouble and wouldn't get out of it again until I stopped being stubborn and listened to what my Goddess given instincts were telling me.

I am devout in my faith and I am not ashamed of it yet I do tend to keep it secret for fear revealing it may bring harm to me or the people I care about. I think it is shame I cannot be more open about it and I am trying to help change that by shedding light on some of the falsehoods that continue to be perpetuated about my chosen faith. My faith is known as the faith without converts. I am not here to say that my faith is the only right faith but I am here to say is that it is the faith that is right for me and that I and others who follow the same path should be allowed to do so with out persecution and continued demonizing of our faith by those who really know nothing about it but only think they do.

In my opinion religion and spiritual belief is a very intimate and personal thing as I have mentioned before. What you experience during times of meditation or prayer is between you and your chosen deity. Your experiences should have meaning that is special to you that touches you and causes you to see things in way you have not seen them before. It should enlighten you and bring joy to your heart. It should inspire you to act out of kindness, move confidently through the world and give your best effort to everything you choose to take on. It should cause you to feel the sacredness in and respect for all things from the highest mountain to the tiniest insect. It should give you comfort when you fall, courage when you fear, humility when you fail and dignity when faced with those who belittle you. All this your faith should bring you without the need to convert, condemn or harm anyone or anything else.

I also firmly believe that The Truth we so desperately seek cannot be found anywhere else except within the only tangible things that came to us directly from the hand of our Creator and that is within the study and observation of the Earth and the Universe and all the life within it.

I leave you with this question: Is it not time for all people of all faiths and beliefs, even those of non-belief, to put aside our age old differences, to respect and accept our differences and to finally notice just how similar we all are to each other?

Peace comes only through understanding.